you'll never see me cry

Monday, December 31, 2007

happy new year.
It’s a brand new year. 2008.
Two thousand & eight.
It feels weird just saying it.
Something totally new.

To be honest, I feel lost.
A total unpredictable year.

when I was at my relative’s hse jus nw ,
& everyone started counting down frm 10.
I culd sense my body tensing &
my mind panicking.
Memories of 2007 flooded my mind.
Predictions of 2008.
My smile jus faded. My voice cracked.
I looked into darsini’s eyes.
I knew that e same thoughts were running thru her mind.
Fear of what 2008 had installed for us.

As I walked arnd e hse wishing all my relatives,
I culdnt help but feel lost.
I stared out of e window , thinking of my past.
My present ,
& my future.

2007 was one of e best & memoriable year of my sec sch life.
It was a crucial year.
A year that decided my future ; o’levels
The last year with my frens in school.
The last year of my secondary school journey.

I had loads of fun in school.
I enjoyed spending time with my frens.
I TRIED my best to study. With e help of my brother.
Benjamin. He’s e best la. serious.
I wuldnt hve studied if nt for his motivation.
I love you benji ! & I wil never 4get you.

Besides school & stuff.
I got myself into another aspect of life.
yeah. That was a 1st time for me.
Seriously, I don’t regret getting in2 it.
I mean, I have always been a strong believer of “everything happens for a reason”.
It taught me a lesson. That I will perhaps never forget in my life.

Teenagers like us are too young to see e seriousness in a r/s.
I don’t plan to get into a r/s anytime soon.
It’s too time demanding , as well as confusing. A distraction.
But being single, isn’t tt great either.
It leaves you feeling lonely & unwanted.
Feelings that I have never liked or learnt to overcome.

Throughout 2007, I also explored e issue of trust.
Trustworthness has always been e main quality I looked for in a fren.
Every fren that had ruined tt trust , never did gain back tt trust.
But such frens were never totally neglected frm my life anw.
I gave everyone of them a benefit of doubt
& treated them with as much of respect as I culd.
My year had ended with me trusting only a handful of ppl.

The last two mths of 2007 were exciting .
You wuld hve realised that if u actually read my past entries.
The last two days of 2007 were quite frustrating.
i guess that probably contributed to this weird feeling towards 2008.

Usually on new year’s eve , I wuld think bout
What the next year wuld hve installed for me.
During e last few years , I culd safely conclude that
I wuld be gg back to sch to start a new semester.
That e school was gonna open & that it was waiting for my arrival.

Such a conclusion culdnt be made this year.
I had yet to receive my o results in jan.
&& That wuld be the one that culd determine my path for e year.
I am afraid that e results culd led me to a path which I don’t wish to follow.
I guess that is what tt is causing e fear in me to arise.
E unpredictable O results are currently causing me to lose my sanity .
Causing me to panic.
Causing me to feel lost & confused.

Right now, on e 1st of jan 2008.
At bout 3.10 am.
I’m sittin at my com , alone in e hse.
Typing out this blog entry.
In e hope that my year wil turn out great,
Regardless of what e O results are.

i really hope all my frens keep in contact with me as promised.
I really enjoyed my 4 yrs with you ppl.
Will never 4get you ppl. Never.
love you guys =)

&& happy new year once again to all.

{ 11:16 AM }