you'll never see me cry

Thursday, October 9, 2008

nothing seems to put a smile on my face anymore.
why? i just cant put my finger on it.
jokes. amusing stories. company of my loved ones.
nope. the smile on my face is definately not genuine.
yes, i can be the clown i'm known to be.
but it's only to make the ones around me smile.

been self-reflecting alot lately.
trying to understand how my mind works.
how did i get myself into such a situation.
life seems to be getting duller as each day passes.
everything seems black and white.
the setting. the people. the emotions.
my feelings have numbed.

at first i brushed it off , thinking it was a mood swing.
only to realise that the mood didnt seem to be swinging at all.
it has remained at depression mode.
loneliness has set in.
the spark of happiness in the eyes vanished.
what is wrong with me ?
why am i feeling like it is the end of the world?
that i will never be happy again?

family. friends. boyfriend.
arent this the people who are supposed to be there for me ?
then, why am i feeling so lonely ?
so lost.
where is the attention i need ?

am i losing my touch ?
have i blended into the background of life ?
or have i been able to hide my weakness too well
that no one realised this feelings hidden in me ?

i duno what i'm trying to say here.
what's the point anyway.
it's not like this entry is gonna affect anyone.
nothing left to say.

{ 12:31 AM }